Chapter 10
Jamie’s birthday was perfect.
The sun was shining.
The bounce house was up.
The piñata was filled with candy.
All his friends were there, running around the backyard, screaming and laughing.
My parents were manning the grill, covered in barbecue sauce, arguing about whether the burgers were done.
Mark was in charge of the music, playing way too much 90s pop, dancing like no one was watching.
Lila was doing cartwheels across the lawn, showing off for her friends.
Jamie was the center of attention.
Grinning from ear to ear, opening presents, scoring goal after goal in the impromptu soccer game.
I sat in a lawn chair, watching it all.
A cold lemonade in my hand.
A smile on my face that wouldn’t go away.
A year ago, I’d thought this was gone forever.
Thought I’d never see Jamie smile again.
Never hear Lila laugh.
Never have a quiet, normal day with my husband.
I’d spent nights on my knees, begging god, the universe, anyone, to bring my son back.
And here we were.
Not just back.
Better.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Mark sat down next to me.
Handed me a piece of birthday cake.
Chocolate, with extra frosting.
Just how I like it.
“Just thinking,” I said.
“About how lucky we are.”
Mark nodded.
Wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“We are,” he said.
“Very, very lucky.”
We watched Jamie hit the piñata.
It broke open.
Candy went everywhere.
The kids screamed, diving for it.
Lila came running over, her pockets stuffed full of lollipops.
“Mom! Dad! Look how much I got!”
She dumped them out on the grass.
Counted them out loud.
“Thirty-two! That’s more than Jamie!”
“Hey!” Jamie yelled, running over.
“Give me some back! It’s my birthday!”
“Finders keepers!” Lila yelled, taking off across the yard.
Jamie chased her, laughing.
My mom came over.
Holding a plate of burgers.
“Best party ever,” she said.
Sitting down next to us.
“Remember when Jamie was born? You were so scared you’d be a bad mom. Look at him now. He’s perfect. You did that.”
I wiped a tear from my eye.
“We did that,” I said.
“All of us.”
Later that night, after all the guests had left, after the kids were in bed sugar-crashed, after the last of the wrapping paper was thrown away, Mark and I sat on the back porch.
The stars were bright.
The air was warm.
Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.
“Remember when we first met?” Mark said.
“College. You were wearing that terrible green sweater. You spilled beer all over me.”
I laughed.
“I did not spill it on you! You walked into me!”
“Sure,” Mark said, grinning.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night. But I knew then. Knew I was going to marry you. Knew we’d have this. Even when things were bad. Even when Jamie was gone. I never stopped believing we’d get here.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“Me neither,” I said.
The back door opened.
Jamie came out, rubbing his eyes.
His stuffed bear in one hand.
“Couldn’t sleep,” he said.
“Too much cake.”
I patted the spot between Mark and me.
He sat down.
Curled up next to me.
“Mom?” he said.
Quiet.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Are we really safe now? Forever?”
I looked at Mark.
At the house behind us, warm and bright.
At the treehouse, dark against the sky.
At the stars, shining down on us.
I thought of Mara.
Alone in a prison cell, 25 years stretching out in front of her.
I thought of the old house.
Gone, sold to a young couple with a baby on the way.
I thought of the drawing Jamie had made me.
Framed above the fireplace.
My Family. My Home. My Safe Place.
I wrapped my arms around Jamie.
Held him tight.
“Forever,” I said.
“No one is ever going to hurt you again. No one is ever going to take you away. We’re here. All of us. And we’re never letting go.”
Jamie snuggled closer.
“Good,” he said.
“Because I love being home.”
Inside, Lila turned on a light.
We could see her shadow through the window, dancing to a song only she could hear.
Mark kissed the top of my head.
The stars kept shining.
The world kept turning.
And for the first time in my life, I knew.
May you like
Really knew.
Everything was going to be okay.
