Chapter 3
The drive back to our old house was silent.
Ethan fell asleep in the backseat, his head on Lena’s lap, one hand still fisted in her shirt.
I watched him in the rearview mirror.
His face was still puffy.
Even asleep, his brow was furrowed like he was having a bad dream.
Lena stroked his hair, gentle, like he was made of glass.
We pulled into the driveway of the small suburban house I’d shared with Sarah before she died.
The house I’d moved out of six months earlier to live with Victoria.
The house I’d thought I’d never come back to.
I carried Ethan inside.
Tucked him into his old bed, the one with the dinosaur sheets he’d loved so much.
He stirred when I pulled the covers up, grabbing my wrist.
“Don’t leave. Please.”
My chest ached.
“I’m right here, buddy. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
He nodded, his eyes already closing again.
I stood there for a long time, just watching him breathe.
Lena came in with a glass of water, set it on his nightstand.
“He’s exhausted. He hasn’t slept well in weeks. He told me he has nightmares that Victoria takes you away.”
I closed my eyes.
“Why didn’t he tell me? How did I not see any of this?”
Lena hesitated.
“He was scared. She told him if he said anything, you’d be mad at him. That you’d choose her over him. And… you were so happy when you were with her. He didn’t want to make you sad.”
I sank down onto the edge of the bed.
Happy.
I’d been so busy chasing my own happiness that I’d missed my son’s suffering.
Sarah would have seen it in a second.
She would have known.
I’d failed them both.
Lena put a soft hand on my shoulder.
“It’s not your fault. She was good at lying. She fooled everyone. Even your mom. Even your best friend.”
I nodded, but I didn’t believe her.
We went out to the kitchen.
Lena made tea.
The house was quiet, too quiet.
All the pictures of Victoria I’d hung up were still on the walls.
Her mug was in the cabinet.
Her shampoo was in the bathroom.
I stood up and started yanking the pictures off the walls.
Threw them in a box by the door.
Smashed her mug in the trash can.
Lena didn’t say anything.
She just helped, gathering her things from the bathroom, shoving them in garbage bags.
By the time we were done, it was two in the morning.
I sat on the couch, staring at the blank spots on the walls.
Lena sat next to me, holding her tea.
“You should get some sleep. I’ll stay up. If he wakes up, I’ll get you.”
I shook my head.
“I can’t leave him. Not after today.”
I got up and went back to Ethan’s room.
Dragged a mattress from the guest room onto the floor next to his bed.
Lena came in with blankets, helped me make it up.
“I’ll take the couch. Call if you need anything.”
She turned to leave.
“Lena.”
She stopped.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. For everything. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”
She smiled, a small, tired smile.
“He’s easy to love. You both are. Now get some rest.”
She closed the door behind her.
I lay down on the mattress.
Stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on Ethan’s ceiling.
The ones Sarah had put up when he was three.
I reached up and held Ethan’s hand where it hung over the edge of the bed.
He squeezed it in his sleep.
For the first time all day, I let myself cry.
Quiet, so I wouldn’t wake him.
I cried for Sarah.
For the life we’d lost.
For the little boy in the bed who’d been so brave for so long.
And I promised myself.
No more lies.
No more secrets.
No more putting anyone before him.
Ever again.
I must have fallen asleep at some point.
Because the next thing I knew, the sun was coming through the curtains.
And Ethan was sitting on the edge of my mattress, staring at me.
I rubbed my eyes.
“Hey, buddy. You okay?”
He nodded.
He held out a crumpled piece of paper.
It was a drawing.
Three stick figures.
A big one, a little one, and a girl with long hair.
All holding hands.
Underneath, in wobbly letters, it said: My Family.
My throat closed up.
“Is this us?”
He nodded, picking at a loose thread on his pajamas.
“Lena can be our new mom? If you want. She’s nice. And she doesn’t yell.”
I pulled him into my lap.
Held him tight.
“We can take it slow, okay? Whatever you need. But I think Lena is pretty great too.”
He smiled.
A real smile.
The first one I’d seen in months.
And for a second, just a second, everything felt like it might be okay.
Then my phone rang.
I looked at the screen.
It was Victoria.
I felt Ethan tense up in my arms.
I silenced the phone.
Threw it across the couch.
But I knew.
May you like
This wasn’t over.
Not by a long shot.
